The Cool-Uncool Conflict

I wonder if I can ever be 'cool'. And doubt it big time!

I mean, look at people around me. They're IT! They wear stylish skimpy stuff, stay at Soho, and are super-selectively social. They're rude, and ravishing. They're brash, and bitchy. They do JUST what they want to do, and carry their 'I-don't-give-a-DAMN!' selves with elan.
I'm not that, and I can never be. I'm all for stylish skimpy stuff, but if Ma doesn't approve of it, I don't wear it. I LOVE to dance, and to hang out, and a discotheque or lounge would be somewhere I'd go every single nightif I could, but if Pa doesn't approve of it, I don't go. Call me sugar-coated, but I'm nice to EVERYone, and I can't help genuinely liking people. I don't like being rude, and if I ever realize I have been brash, I go and apologize. I love living life MY way, but hey, my family, my friends - they happen to make up a lot of 'me'. And I do give a damn.

Would you laugh at me if I said that I deleted 'damn' and typed 'care' and retyped 'damn' to look less uncool?

I can't even use slang. Ultimate loser, ain't I?

I respect people, believe in God, and am not religious, but entirely spiritual. I like being there when someone needs me. I 'm good, and I know it, and I wonder if it's something to be ashamed of.
Moreover, I write pretty poetry, boring blogs, and read romance. I listen to old Hindi songs, and think Mukesh and Rafi rock. I cook as well. I love being lovable, loved, and loving.

An atypical 16 year old city girl. Atypical, because I'm normal. Because I'm not different. Because I don't do a thing to 'fit in'.

But I LOVE the fact that my life isn't messy, that I don't lie to my parents, that I can claim to have retained at least a bit of the innocence I was born with, and that I sleep on the softest pillow in the world - a clear conscience.

I'm cool.