Random too... (Random 2)

It stares at me through the darkness sometimes. My head is resting on the pillow, my legs still searching for a comfortable position, and my thoughts - half real, half unreal, half thoughts, half dreams. It is at this time, that I am often caught off-guard. Being looked at is okay, being looked through isn't.
Feelings flow freely, with thought-sediments. Sediments, both newly formed, and from long ago. It is a little like a puddle, but a lot like an ocean, waves lashing on unauthorized shores. The leaves all whispering my secrets, and the whispers are loud. Some even echo. The breeze indulges in light-hearted mockery of the words never spoken, of the tears never shed, of the smile suppressed, and of that moment, when I'd wanted to hold you close. I'd wanted it with all my being, but I let you go.
I can't stand it, this mockery. I know that some whispers, that have never reach my ears, reach yours. I know you understand the unspoken words, get a hint of unshed tears, and recognize suppressed smiles. And I'd recognized your understanding of my wish in your smile. Almost a grin. A victorious one.
At the same time, I seem to like the revelation of my secrets, the way everything that once seemed monumental, now, is inconsequential. I like this grin of yours too. It makes fun of me, tells me something like, "I know", but it's amazing how at that exact moment, your eyes seem to say, "I understand"...
Come on now, stop grinning at me like that. It makes me uneasy.
My head is resting on the pillow, my legs have found a comfortable position, and my thoughts - all real, all dreams. Or dream-like, at least.